FROM THEN ON I WONDERED

 

We did not notice as you sat at our table, a happy family. We encourage you to stay. You kept nipping out for a smoke, 

Blowing it high up in the air. A meal we spread before you, first of all, you chased it absently and mindlessly around the plate. 

While we sat and chatted away, gently asking about your new baby boy born the previous day you played with your knife and fork, taking an occasional bite. 

We said, ‘You must be proud to be a Dad at last.’ 

He laughed and said ‘Yes!’ And tried to rise. 

We said, ‘Finnish your meal, as no one home is there. 

‘No!’ he laughed loudly. ‘I have to go through,’ gulping down his tea. 

He tried to give Dad a new box of kitchen tiles. 

Dad said ‘No thank you. You need them for your work.’

‘No I won’t!’ He said sharply starting to put his jacket on. 

We told him to go home and rest up while he could. 

We waved him off into the now dark night. At ten in the morning, the phone rang. 

Grasping the phone I was told, our friend had hung himself. In the garage after he left us. His wife had told him the baby was not his. 

We were stunned, brains racing, what had we missed? 

That moment lived with us vividly for a long time, what had we missed? 

I still wonder all these years later what did we miss? 

There are many families, friends and colleagues left with unanswered question. 

‘What did we miss?’

2024 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo by D koi on Unsplash

SAFE HANDS

 

Still, the heart as we depart.

You start to sorrowfully mourn.

Through tears, the questions flow.

Why you, why now this year.

It’s not fair, words so often uttered.

Is there a better time?

How and when would we choose?

Thankfully that choice is not ours.

It is left in safer hands than yours or mine.

2024 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

WHO NEEDS A LISTENER

 

Who needs a listener if you can safely talk away to yourself? 

In the shower, you can release feelings held in for hours. 

What did she say again today, that made anger bubble up? 

I had to walk away to stop the words I really wanted to say. 

At times it is much better that way. 

Here my thoughts can be expressed, you are the perfect silent listener. 

I felt my anger, and dirt wash away down the plughole with no resistance. 

Refreshed and dressed I can return and express regret at words I once uttered. 

Saying sorry is a word that is difficult to say, but really meant. 

2024 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

A WISH

 

If I had an active wishing wand, I would wave it enthusiastically, to remove isolation and loneliness, giving a boost to hope.

In the real world, if we all tried a little, we might be able to help some in our communities and see smiles and friendship spread.

2024 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

THE SIMPLEST THINGS

 

The simplest things, bring the greatest comfort, at times of great deprivation and loss.

2024 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

TO SAY THANK YOU

 

What is it to be handy?

What is it to be good?

What is it to be funny and so very, very kind?

All who have benefited from your kindness, find it hard to express their thank´s to you.

For the enormity of your gift so united, we say a big thank you to you, for all the essential things you have done.

2023 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

SAYING GOODBYE WITH HOPE

 

Let your tears join the many in the lake.

Let your words fly with the wind,

High up into the hills till they reach the sky.

Now the time has come 

For letting go of the person you call mum.

Yet the hope of reuniting is there,

As, one day, this journey we must all must take.

And the ones you love will be there, 

Waiting with a heavenly welcome for you.

2023 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

ARE YOU LONELY

 

Are you lonely tonight, do you miss them?

Are you lonely now that they have gone?

Saying goodbye is never easy.

When you don’t know when they may return.

They are the people you love most dearly

The ones you call Dad and Mum.

Are you anxious till you have that phone call,

Saying they have arrived safe and sound.

Are you lonely now the longed-for visit is over?

Don’t be, start planning for the next joyful one.

2023 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

PRAYERS FOR THE DAY

 

What can I say that has not been said before,

Millions of times, over thousands of years?

Prayers of sorrow for unspeakable loss.

Prayers for safe journeys, some with no hope of return.

Prayers in hope for a happy, loving marriage as two lives merge.

Prayers of joy at the birth of children, the next generation.

Prayers of thanks for steady employment.

Prayers to keep a roof over our heads.

Prayers to keep pain at bay, a frequently asked plea.

Prayers for rain and fresh water nearby.

Prayers for good harvests and animal husbandry.

Prayers for our safety in an unsettled world.

Prayers for men and women of integrity to lead and govern.

There are many prayers I have not mentioned here.

They will be the ones very personal to you.

Yet, just looking at the list, 

Prayers are flowing fervently everywhere.

God must be very busy trying to answer them now, too.

© 2023 Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

TELL ME

 

Tell me what makes you happy. 

Tell me what makes you sad. 

Tell me what brought the greatest pleasure. 

When at the time the least you had. 

Tell me how it felt when an opportunity came within your grasp. 

When poverty and doing without slipped into the past. 

Tell me, did it change you? Tell me, did it make you a little mad?

Tell me, did you share it with those who helped you in the past? 

When did you think ahead? 

As this may not last. 

When did you start to tuck away a nest egg, 

A buffer for what might lie ahead?

Tell me how you have decided on the amount 

That will be enough for you and yours. 

Tell me, did you remember that charity begins at home, 

Leaving some to share with others in need?

© 2023 Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

A BIT OF HATE

 

I feel a bit of hate,

Not with you mate,

With me.

My centre of gravity

Is a bit askew,

I keep on falling too

Why am I in this shape?

Filled with pain and whine

Nearly all, the time.

No one takes me out

Listens when I shout

And call out.

I feel a bit of hate,

Not with you mate,

With me.

I wish there was a special

Oily spray, I would

Lubricate where I could.

Then I would stand up straight,

Eye to bloody eye

And smile at you mate.

© 2023 Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

THE POWER OF LOVE

 

The power of love is at it’s most potent when given away freely, with no strings attached for personal gain. 

Other than a surge of warmth at a job well done.

© 2023 Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

LONELISS

 

In reply to a question?  

Why do the chaps not start a loneliness club as the girls just have? 

I think for centuries, men have had to be macho and strong. To recognise loneliness in themselves could not be allowed.

However recent events have seen men gather together for a cause close to their hearts. 

Like the three grieving men, who lost three beautiful daughters through suicide. They are on a mission to raise funds for others. To raise awareness, prevention and support for those suffering in silence, both the possible victims, and the desperate families left asking WHY?

Other men have appeared to support them physically on the walk to help achieve their funding target. Yet the greatest plus is, uniting as men with a need to support or be supported, in doing so becoming friends and mates.

The sports fields have seen causes raised by elite players for colleagues, stricken by life-changing illnesses. They have gathered to raise support and raise funding for football fans. Plus in their spare time together as men, to support the afflicted players and their families.

These small flames are growing with lasting friendships. It is perhaps a male response to loneliness around a cause.

2023 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

DO I DO ENOUGH?

 

I often wonder, do I do enough?

On first rising, do not do so well,

Leave everything to the wife to handle.

As I am concentrating on washing, shaving and clothes rearranging.

Mentally trying to configure arguments I must use in court.

Detaching myself from family distractions, eating, saying goodbye, 

quick kisses and slipping out the door.

Only on the train does guilt slip in again.

What did she say, to be home in time, 

to watch the end-of-term children’s play?

I should have put my clothes away,

Not leaving them, with wet towels, all over the bed and floor.

The wife will not like that at all.

I have to switch off and fully immerse myself in what is ahead today.

After all, I am the breadwinner!

If I fail, everything we have will be lost; that is too high a cost.

On the train, I remember the play, now nearing the end, 

which I will fail yet again to attend. I will be berated for sure.

I just have to put my head down and beaver away.

If I win, which I often manage to do.

I will take home a reconciliation red rose (it used to be a bunch).

To say sorry, I will do more to help you from now on.

Meant at the time, but the question still is do I do enough? 

It just won’t go away.

The guilt-ridden answer is no!

2023 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

I AM HATED

I am hated, not loved, but why?

I try to help; I really try.

Yet each time, my efforts fall short,

And I don’t know why.

It has to be my fault, something I do.

What it is I wish I knew.

Only then can I try to make amends.

I ponder over each occasion:

When was the point it started to turn

And anger and hate came into play?

Was I overbearing, playing a heavy hand?

Or being too laid back, losing command?

There is such a narrow dividing band

To be a boss in any business in this land.

2023 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

POLISH AWAY

 

When you are feeling down, and there’s no one around, try to put your problems back in perspective.

Pick up a polish spray can and, with a flourish, move towards a tabletop, big, flat and reflective.

On its top, you can erase, with your angriest swipes and most vicious rubs, dust and a mood.

The table can take it, as it is usually quite firm and robust and won't start complaining at your most vicious outbursts.

Remember, don't be quiet as you polish in fury; release your feelings by shouting and having a hooley.

Spray, rub, rub-a-dub-dub, chat as you go, reasoning it all out.

Ask a question. Don't wait for a reply, as you alone know the answer.

Keep moving on, to the cushions, give them a beat, a thump, a really good shaking before replacing.

As you start to feel calmer, keep going, with a gentler touch, around your tenderly collected and much more delicate stuff.

Your spirits will rise, spilling a few giggles and laughs from inside as the gloom starts to lift.

Then you can look around and see what your bad mood has achieved: a lovely, sweet-smelling, sparkling, gloom-curing room.

Well done! All power to your elbow and your polish spray can.

You have banished a mood, which could have hung around a while and stopped you feeling really quite good.

2023 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

MIND CONNECTION

 

Spaghetti junction at first glance it seems.

Yet, in my brain, many more journeys are following seamlessly.

Messages rushing to and fro at speed for instant connection of speech, hearing, touch and sight.

Traffic lights of stop and go, preventing overload of emotions of the dangerous kind.

Providing enough space for words of love, kindness and care to flow freely through. 

Allowing me time to really know you.

2023 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

Have You Seen My Smile Today

 

Have you seen my smile today?

Each time I have checked it is not there.

Oh where do you think it might have gone?

I wear it to let the World know I am fine.

Yet it has still not arrived on waking this morn.

Oh where do you think my smile has gone?

Perhaps it is a sign all is not right at this moment.

I have something deep down bothering me.

Oh where do you think my smile has gone?

It is said that honest admission eases a weight on the heart.

Allowing sadness to flee and smiles to restart.

Oh where do you think my smile has gone.

I now have a small clue, I know what to do.

I will place my hand on my heart, head on my pillow

Releasing thoughts that are uncomfortable.

Then when I awake I will look straight in the mirror

To see if my cheery smile has returned.

IT HAS! IT CERTAINLY HAS!

2022 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

TERROR ROAMS

 

Leaving home where I live, is not a natural thing. 

Fear cloaks and surrounds you as you go innocently on your way. 

Hoping you will not meet a knife carrier on the street today. 

It is amazing, that they have not learnt that it does not give them strength. 

It is the means to take their life away too. 

After the attack, many perpetrators are caught within hours and after a trial in jail packed. 

Under threat from attack from other criminals, never knowing who has your back. 

Afraid to be alone or one of a pack, or to be singled out for too much praise. 

Which gives rise to other inmates' jealousy and rage. 

Leaving two families in different ways forever changed and no way back. 

So before you pick up the knife remember it has the power to destroy many lives. 

Not just now but for generations to come, destroying yours too. 

If not caught, the guilt will weigh you down and fear will reside in your chest. 

You will never be the man you wanted to be, a man of worth, respected. 

Cloaked not in fear, but in the arms of generations of a loving family. 

The choice is yours, mine too, never to carry a knife anywhere with you.

2022 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen

Photo: Pixabay License

LOOKING FORWARD

 

Once thinking starts, 

You ponder who you are and who you want to be.

You hold the world in your hand as you realise the enormity.

So many channels alone or with help.

To fight on your own-some for wealth and good health.

Or reach out to others less capable than yourself?

At the threshold of your life, what will it be?

Only you can decide, 

The rest of us have to wait and see.

© 2022 Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen