Here we are long-time weds, lying side by side in bed in the dark. I know you are sleeping, by the rhythm your breath is keeping, interrupted by the occasional excruciating snore. Now it is safe to say the words I have kept back unspoken throughout the day.
I need this space to put my feelings in their place, now you are at home following me around all day. I try hard to understand the loss you are facing, it is not easy, but I can see your pain, some of the time. This used to be my domain, with no one breathing down my neck and constantly checking.
After all with respect who has been doing it so smoothly all this time? If I hear one more instruction or have a heat reduction on a culinary concoction I have left cooking superbly on the stove, I really do believe I'll scream, do you hear?
Why can't you leave me well alone and allow me to run the home, please? My dear. There are a great many things you are reluctant to do, but if you did, it would be divine! Then you would have your department and I, blissfully, would have mine.
By the way your idea about the bathroom, I have reconsidered and I will tell you in the morning, it is fine. I wonder if he knows I have these chats with him in the middle of the night, of course not, don't be silly!
Well, dear, I think that is all for tonight, see you in the morning darling, sweet dreams, goodnight.
THE OTHER PARTNER:
What's that noise? Only me waking myself up snoring, but did she hear? Is she awake? No, it's alright, she's turning over! Watch out, or she will hit you in the neck, gosh that was close. Ouch, it was my knee which she bashed instead.
Do you know, it's hard to say, but I miss my work and mates every day and find it difficult to slip into place here at home. I miss making the big, sometimes scary decisions, and being called to urgent conferences right away. I am trying hard to get my teeth into something really important and useful and I will if it happens to come my way.
Then I might discard this feeling I find so very hard to take, of being useless, finished, well before my time. I try not to interfere, but I am not always successful; I have to truthfully agree! After all, it is only right the wife has got things just so; well she thinks she has!
But if it was up to me! I can see quite clearly the need to make some adjustments, here and there. However, I think I need to move a great deal slower, not rush things through and push her over.
Maybe then I won't suffer her anger and rejection all the time.
To be fair, she has no objection to my slipping off for an idle wander, a round of golf, or a pint of beer. Then, if I see she is really upset, I give in unexpectedly, allowing her to win the occasional round. I think that is the way to play it so we can get on together day by day.
After all, she is my love, my wife, and we have crossed a lot of hurdles in our life. One more big one, and then we will settle to the next comfortable stage, old age! Is that her moving? No, her breathing is quite soothing, but I think I have said enough for tonight my love.
Goodnight dear! Love you! Sweet dreams! Sleep well!
2024 © Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen
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