Having to assume the mantle of the main carer for another human being, and on occasion for a group or family, arrives with no training and sometimes no warning. There is quite often a lack of health and safety assessments. Everything is done at speed and it is still seen as a woman’s task, though some fantastic men are embracing the role now.
Messages flash! ‘How am I/you/we going to manage?’ is the first response. ‘I/you/we will just have to manage somehow. They cannot be left as they are.’
Immense mental struggle, anxiety and guilt take place, no matter what your age or your relationship with the person you are going to care for. Carers always feel so guilty about verbalising these feelings, yet they are very natural and commonly experienced. There is nearly always the question at some time, however briefly thought, ‘What about my/our life? Everything is going to change, perhaps forever.’ It is often a guilt-ridden utterance, yet should not be.
Sometimes, the person to be cared for is someone you have little love for, or have had a difficult relationship with, or hardly know. Yet you take on the role. Family and friends will offer well-meaning support which, in long-term caring, can dwindle to isolation over time. In other situations, a family and communities work together to help one person or family and raise funds and awareness to support others in similar situations. In some instances and cultures, whole families share caring for family members and friends: wonderful to see.
In every country, there are those needing care who are abandoned onto the street to fend for their own survival. Many, sadly, have unresolved mental health issues. In the United Kingdom, there are quite a few charities you can approach for vital information, and to help you through the questions you must answer, assisting you to connect with the relevant Government agency with the tools to help you receive all the help you so rightly deserve. Without carers, be they family, friends, or employed by the disabled person, about 700,000 people would have to be cared for in Government homes and be treated as a number.
We must not forget the number of young carers providing care for a parent as well as siblings: a terrible burden for a young person trying to study and go to school, with the added load of shopping, cooking and housework. They deserve a childhood of fun, appreciation and support. The sad part is that many of them think this is how all families live. They do it with love and anxiety for the person or family they belong to.
Do you know a carer struggling in your neighbourhood to manage a care situation? Could you spend some time listening and giving some support to them? Fairy godmothers and godfathers are so needed today.
© 2023 Penny Wobbly of WobblingPen
Photo: Pixabay License
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